Using God to get out of hopelessness

There is a resistance to inviting God into my life since I feel that I am not worthy of His presence. I have thoughts about fear, hate, doubt, lust, revenge. All kinds of stuff that I don't want God to know about. So He is not welcome in my mind.

So I pretend He is not there, because then I would have to face His judgment of me and my lacking ability to be a saint on Earth.

But He is there. He has always been there; He cannot not be there. I am Him, and He is me. He is everything; how could He not be me? As He is everything else?

My real problem is that to face Him would mean that I had to release these thoughts that I somehow cling to so much that I actually deny my Father.

I have to release this basic feeling of hopelessness and the accompanying feeling of frustration. These two are my biggest blocks right now. And I already know that to release them I have to have faith in my Father, and that means I have to accept His love and be willing to live in it. Which means living in peace, no doubt, no fear, no guilt, just creating what is God's will to share with the children He loves so much. I will never lack anything; everything I need will be there when I need it, and my life will be full of love and joy, and creating from my all-loving inner self.

I just have to release hopelessness and frustration. But I can't; it's hopeless. I have tried and tried so much, but it just leaves me frustrated.

Sound crazy? It is, but that's actually how I feel. That is my reality; that's what I believe is true for me.